White House Talking Points: Treason, Schmeason

To be distributed to all Surrogates, Fox News Voices of Sanity, and Republican Caucuses in Congress. Top Secret, Do Not Leak. The case in favor of treason in general and in particular of conspiring with a hostile foreign power to undermine American democracy is made indisputably in these 11 persuasive points.

1. Liberals are against it.

2. Enemy governments pay better than US government. Also they don’t deduct FICA.

3. They have caviar!

4. It doesn’t count as treason if you wear a flag pin.

5. Fox says Russians are the new Americans.

6. Just wait till we have our Constitutional Convention. Treason won’t be a crime any more. In fact, it will be a competitive event in the next Republican Olympics.

7. Silly! Laws don’t apply to us.

8. Worked great in 1861.

9. Really, really bothers liberals.

10. Makes a great alliterative brand name. Thanks to savvy legal team we get a royalty every time someone commits TrumpTreason ™️.

11. Who’s going to stop us? You?